Gas Tank-29: The Serial Novel
Ep. 6, The Henchyeti
President Joe Rogan reclined his seat on Air Force One and exhaled deeply.
He grinned. What a damn ride.
The new Commander in Chief of the Global American States was starting to get into this whole Leader of the Free World thing.
After freeing War Criminal Hillary Clinton and signing The Hawaiian Accords Armistisce, the Chief had finally gotten in a good night’s sleep and a workout, and had just plowed through two Elk Burgers on the aircraft.
Air Force One Chef: “What else, sir? Ready for a Livingston?”
Rogan: Actually, I’m a little played out on the Livingston.
I mean…who the hell gets “played out” on a delicious dessert consisting of funnel cake with caramel sauce and topped with vanilla ice cream, but okay, whatever, Mr. President of the Free World Fancy Guy.
Secretary of State Jordan Peterson pipes up.
“Send him out a Henchyeti.”
Air Force Chef: “Right away, sir.”
Rogan: What the hell is a Henchyeti?
Jordan gushes, “Oh trust me, you’re gonna love it. The Henchyeti is a rice crispy infused flaky chocolate pie covered in white chocolate cream sauce and topped with pistachio ice cream.”
Jordan abruptly transitions.
“Joe, we need to discuss Hillary and - ohhh…”
Air Force One Chef returns.
“Your Henchyeti, sir.”
Awesome, thanks. How about a couple of coffees?
Air Force One Chef nods and returns to the galley.
Go on, JP.
Jordan blurts it out.
“Joe, that wasn’t Hillary. Hillary is dead. This is all very complicated but in a nutshell, Klaus Schwab was able to download the electrical impulses and cognitive essence of his brain into a 6-G computer cloud of sorts. He was preserved. His operatives then murdered Hillary and downloaded his brain’s essence from the cloud into her brain and reanimated the body using exp. mRNA technology. The result was a kind of hybrid Klaus/Hillary monstrosity.”
“These fucking freaks.”
“And those fucking pantsuits.”
Rogan is stoic, picking at his Henchyeti, trying to figure out which part to start on. He opts for the chocolate flakes.
Right. Okay…I’m sorry, Jordan, can you say that again in my good ear?
Air Force One Chef: “Your coffees.”
Thanks so much. We’ll take some privacy the rest of the way to Virginia.
This Henchyeti is freaking delicious. Oh my God!
Turns out that it was true.
Big Tech weirdos like Peter Thiel and Ray Kurtzweil and Yaval Harari had finally unlocked how to upload their actual brain information, their beings, their “humanness”… onto a computer cloud, which could then be preserved indefinitely, LIFE ON A SERVER, and subsequently downloaded and effectively “injected” into the brain stem of a newly dead corpse.
They were never quite able to figure out the spiritual gene part, which is just as well…they didn’t have one.
Anyway, Klaus had those guys murdered and deleted their cloud brains in a betrayal, because…Klaus.
Klaus gonna Klaus.
Just Klaus things.
Klaus…let’s move on.
Meanwhile Bill Gates had simply missed out on the discovery. You hate to see it.
So while Rogan had been busy doing his kettlebell swings that morning, the brains of the operation (PARDON THE EXPRESSION), Peterson, had been on the phone getting shit done. He had directed the Air Force One manifest to the former state of Virginia to visit with the esteemed scientist, Dr. Robert Malone.
The black Suburbans pulled up to Malone’s ranch. Virginia had been absolutely decimated in the war, as had D.C.
The mRNA Inventor had re-built his ranch after returning from the Gitmo Concentration Camp where he had made the acquaintance of Margaret Anna Alice and Sage “Galoshes” Hana, who you will recall was left behind in the Steve Kirsch organized insurrection.
The two dissident writers, MAA and Sage, had become friends at the camp and MAA was saddened that Kirsch had left Galoshes behind.
On the other hand, the now wheelchair bound mostly blind Hana was fairly obnoxious, so…there was that. Just saying. It is what it is.
MAA had gone to work for Malone, who was key in organizing the new Ethics in Science Movement and trying to undo the damage that the Jurassic Park Science ignored warning “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should” had wrought on the hapless world.
MAA and Malone came out to meet the Suburbans and were searched by the Secret Service.
Secret Service Chief: “We’re good, here.”
Rogan greets the pair.
Malone and MAA both speak at the same time, interrupting each other:
Malone: “Mr. President welcome to -”
MAA: “HI JOE ROGAN!”
Awkward silence. Rogan smiles.
Malone gives MAA a slight disapproving look.
Malone: “Joe, good to see you. I’m guessing this is about the 5-G Zombies.”
Klaus. Let’s do Klaus first, Robert.
Malone: “Come on inside. You hungry? Jill and I were just about to sit down and enjoy a Henchyeti.”