“This mushroom is different,” shouted the Critical Mushroom Specialist, his face red with passion.
“Those other Mushroom Agencies are fine for peacetime, but we are War with this Shroom.”
He was of course referring to the Center for Fungus Control and the World Shroom Organization. The Island Homeland Security would need more authority and expanded powers to win the War of the Shroom.
Evergreen Shroom chimed in, nodding.
“The lockdowns need to be more severe than last time.”
The Rockeshroom Gleaming Talking Heads began to appear.
“You are in danger.”
We are frightened, said the Mass.
“Come with us.”
Must I come?
“Yes. We shall lead you to safety.”
Shih Tzu Shroom cautioned the shroomhammers.
“Do you not recall how we arrived here at Mushrooms Bad Island?”
Silence.
Do I need to go over this with you again?
“MUSHROOMS WERE NOT MADE!” shouted the Shroomhammers.
Shih Tzu Mushroom stared out the window.
Okay…this hebbened so long ago. We’ll go through this again.
The Rockeshroom Gleaming Talking Heads had whipped the Mass of Shrooms into a frenzy.
The Mass was led to ships and pressured to board.
Ship after ship began to arrive on a strange new land.
Mushroom Island.
I don’t like this new Mushroom Island, said some.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, said others. YOU INGRATES.
The others began to adopt the characteristics of the Rockeshroom Gleaming Talking Heads, like some kind of sociological Mushroom modeling theory come to life.
These new deputized Rockeshrooms began hungrily feasting on the mushrooms, patrolling the island and bullying the resistant to do likewise.
WE LOVE MUSHROOMS. MUSHROOMS GOOD. FOUR LEGS GOOD, TWO MUSHROOMS BETTER.
editor’s note: I WENT WITH IT
Some in the Resistance began to notice that the deputized Rockeshrooms began dropping dead after feasting on the shrooms.
“I think these mushrooms are bad,” they whispered.
They began to talk amongst themselves and also noted that some of the Not a Mushrooms were eating people’s livers at night in the huts.
A strange Rodeo Shroom Man called a meeting.
I have tried the mushrooms in my pasta and my carpet cleaner became ill.
I will offer one million dollars to any of the GTH Rockeshrooms to prove that these shrooms are safe.
Who…are you? asked the bewildered Resistance.
THIS MAN IS MAGIC! LEAD US, MAGIC NEW PERSON, said others.
“May I interest you in some Fluvoxashroom?” Rodeo Magic Shroom said innocently.
Magic Man introduced the Resistance to a new friend.
Hi, y’all. I’m Mushroom Sherpa!
See, my whole life, I’ve grown mushrooms. I created new Mushroom Technology. I know all of these Rockeshrooms and have worked with them forever. They used my Mushroom Technology to grow these fields.
Are you…friends with Magic Man?
Mushroom Sherpa looked away uncomfortably.
What? That’s not the point. The point is that we are here to help get us off this island!
The two new friends began taking the Resistance on a tour around the island.
Round and round they would go.
Occasionally, Sweet Summer Shrooms would raise their hand slowly.
Mushroom Sherpa, I heard that you ate some of the mushrooms. Why did you do so?
Mushroom Sherpa glared angrily.
I WILL SUE YOU.
ANYWAY I ALMOST DIED FROM THE SHROOMS. HOW DARE YOU?
But…Mrs. Mushroom was just asking for more credit for the lifesaving mushrooms on the ship over here.
What is going on? This is weird!
Lurking in the back was Mossad Mushroom glaring with a stone shroom face.
A new figure emerged.
Charles Eisenshroom.
“It's all over and we did it. Hurray!'“
What did we do? We are still imprisoned on Mushroom Island.
WE DID IT! NOW LET’S DO SOME SENSE MAKING.
Are your caps lock stuck, Chaz?
Oh, the places you will go.
The Logicians compared notes.
Said one Logician: I only began by researching the fungus of the mushrooms. Then I compared the drop dead rates.
Another piped up: Dr. Jay Mushattacharya told me that the shrooms were safe, but that we shouldn’t have been forced to board the ships.
YOU ARE A HERO. Said some in the Resistance to Dr. Jay Mushattacharya.
Another logician whispered: “I don’t think he’s a hero.”
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND I WANT TO BUY YOU A NEW MUSHROOM COMPUTER.
Then the Blue Pill Mushroomians began to fall ill with Turbo Mushroom Cancer.
The Logicians began researching the Rockeshroomians. The Rockeshroomians owned the Mushroom Field, the Ships, the Gleaming Talking Heads…all of it.
They owned Mushroom Tube and Dr. John Camb…shroom.
Joe Roganshroom consorted with the Rockeshroomians on the regular.
The Big Tech Shroomians became enraged with the Logicians.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THESE REFERENCES. I AM A STEM AND DRIVE A DODGE MUSHROOM.
I began to realize like Rosemary in Rosemary’s Mushroom that we were surrounded by darkness.
DARK CONSPIRACY THEORY, shouted Mushroom Sherpa.
YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT THE SHIP STICKERS? said Toby Shroom.
Yeah.
Yeah, Motherfucker.
I’m talking about the Stickers.
Some of the Logican Shrooms began to whisper at night in their huts.
I don’t think we really had a war.
The Mushrooms Bad Island Dream Team began to surveil the Logician Shrooms.
DOOR TO MUSHROOM PARTY TONIGHT, BISHES!
“I’m not going. I’m not playing along with this any more.”
YOU WILL PLAY ALONG AND YOU WILL FIGHT THE WAR WITH IVERSHROOMS.
OR ELSE!
Previous poll:
New Poll:
Movie:
How creepy is that half Shih Tzu half Hooooman critter?
Come on, S… 😹
You ever notice that when someone has a FOUNDATION they start to talk and act like a ZOMBIE?
related:
Skyline T-Shirt only at Printify after the Big Amazon Shroom said nyet.
Buy me a Shroom Coffee:
🤣 What a magical mystery mushroom tour. Awesome sauce. ❤️💕❤️
I love it, makes me want to spin up a pitch for Shrooms meets Heart of Darkness (oh I meant Apocalypse Now) with Sherpa Shroom playing Kurtz and Kirsch playing the company man Martin Sheen going upriver to take him out